Feelingdead's Blog

Changes

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on November 25, 2009

I’m expecting a few big changes in my life in the next few months. Hopefully things get a bit better. Although, I’ve been quite active, doing different things to have a little fun on the side. I had invitations to 2 different Thanksgiving parties, but one of them was somewhat un-practical and the other one was going to be one of those family parties that you only know one person and can become quite awkward or whatnot. So, I decided to stay at home and perhaps save a poor turkey. These poor bastards are victims of genocide if you ask me. For this “special” holiday thousands or even millions of these poor bastards are slaughtered to overfill our hungry stomaches for a day or two.

I wish I could provide more details and information about the stuff I’ve been doing or some fascinating stuff I’ve been hearing from my circles, but anonymity is very important to me. A while back when I had the ear infection, I went to see a doctor and they asked me to fill out a questionnaire that was asking about depression and stuff. I totally denied having any signs of depression just because I don’t want special attention. These days I don’t have the symptoms as much, but I’m totally wounded deep inside. So sad inside that I can effortlessly start crying in seconds…

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Holiday Season

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 29, 2009

The holiday season is here with its wonderful events and great memories. Family and friends gathering up, wearing customs, buying presents, getting together for thanksgiving…

Actually, I fucking hate the holiday season. I feel more fucked up and left out during the holiday season than any other time in the year. Last year’s holiday season was ok, I spent it with my family, but almost every other year I’ve had shitty holidays. I think this is going to be another shitty holiday for me unless if a christmas miracle happens and that kindda thing only happens to wonderful people who have accepted jesus christ as their personal savior.

Did I mention that I picked up a cold? I was out drinking with a friend this past weekend, and I guess somehow I picked up a cold. Some amazing stuff happened too (shitty stuff), but I’d rather not talk about ’em.

 yeah, so as if the cold, the headaches, and the runny nose wasn’t enough, I woke up last night with this muscle pain in my neck. I walked around a little bit and went back to bed after a little while. Then, while I was totally asleep, I woke up with this EXTREME pain in my left leg (muscle cramps). I’ve been dealing with these muscle cramps for years. I remember a few months back I had the same exact muscle cramp in the middle of the night, and I was like what the fuck just happened? Did I get bitten by something? a snake perhaps? and I was paralyzed for a few minutes. This time around I managed to get over it fairly quickly, but I can’t still walk normal and my leg feels like it had a “leg attack” and is totally sore.

The amazing thing about these physical pains is that I rather deal with the physical pain than the mental pain… I really do. Unfortunately, when I get sick, I become so fucked up that the mental pain kicks in at the same time and makes me totally miserable. As I’ve said before, mental pain caused by loneliness causes physical pain. Like Adamski, Seal, and ATB said it best… “It’s the loneliness, that’s the killer!”