Feelingdead's Blog


Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 11, 2009

My ear’s been much better in the past few days, and at least it doesn’t hurt anymore. I managed to go to the gym a few times this week, which was nice and very much needed. Other than that, I stayed at home for the most part and stayed away from Florida heat and its stupid rain/thunder storms. I did feel really depressed this week…much worse than usual.


The 1st One – a little about me

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on September 25, 2009

I’ve been feeling like ranting for a while now and tonight’s insomnia gave me the little push I needed to get things started. Let me just start by saying that I’m from the “better” part of the middle east and have been living in the United States and more specifically in the great state of Florida for about 10 years now. I come from an upper middle class/wealthy family, so my parents and older sibling (I am the baby) have pretty high standards for me that I don’t really meet. I’ve been living alone since I was 18 and have a pretty rare life style that most people can’t really understand, but then again I am a middle easterner in Florida. As far as religion is concerned, my family is as nonreligious as it can possibly get, and I personally don’t care for any religion in any shape or form. In fact, I get very irritated when religious people start talking about being the ones that are going to heaven and how everyone else should either accept jesus, muhammed, or moses as their personal savior or else they’re gonna end up in the burning fires of hell. So, I usually tell ’em, hey, I’d rather go to hell with all the cool bad people than to go to heaven with racist douchebags like you!!!

Anyway, let’s get started with my troubles and what I’m very frustrated about. Although I can easily get into small conversations with other dudes and develope some friendships, most of my close friends end up being weird in a way. I guess the only people who can accept me for who I am are usually the people who are not accepted by the society and can feel my pain. Some of them are hyper, some of them are fat, some of them can’t get girls, some of them are cheap and you get the picture… Although I do have a few friends that are totally normal and we get along just fine, but people like them are very rare in this day and age…

Now, let me talk a little about ladies… Let me just start by saying that I can’t even develope a small-talk type of friendship with them. It seems as if they don’t even wanna be seen talking to a dirtbag middle easterner. I sometimes get the feeling that, their strategy is to be total whores to me just to avoid an awkward moment with me or whatnot. Now, like I said, I am not a cheap fuck to give these bitches the satisfaction of rejecting me or talking down to me, so I act like I am not even interested in their cheap ass white trash booties. Now, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking, maybe you are the problem and not the society. Maybe you look like a smelly homeless with bad teeth and bad breath. Maybe it’s all in your head and your mind is playing stupid games with you. NO!! I wear designer T-shirts and colognes, drive a fairly nice car, and have a decent apartment.. I go to gym everyday, I don’t have a long beard (in case you are wondering), and my overall looks is decent enough, maybe…

I have an engineering degree, and I have the street smarts and the personal skills to sense these things and get hints from the insulting things that these cunts say. I’ll give you a few examples just to give you an idea. ex1, me and one of of my cool friends were at a club when a cunt approached my friend and said, it’s great that there are still decent white men in this club like you, and then gave me a dirty look. Then made another smartass comment that made me wanna punch her in the face and then shove a shovel up her smart ass.

ex2. Me and the same cool friend were standing in line at another club, another night, and some drunk ass bitch started advertising for her ass. She was saying something like, “I am looking for a nice guy to hang out with tonight…” and when I turned around to see wtf she is yelling about, she changed it to “any nice white guys…”
Now I know some bitches have different preferences the same way I do, but come on. There is a difference between being total cunts and having your “preferences.”

So, yeah, my social life is as fucked up as it gets. Most of my free time and weekends is spent at home sitting behind the computer surfing forums helping other people rather than going out there and enjoying my youth. I have tried going out there, and believe me, it’s full of racist assholes. Let me give you another nice example to put things in perspective for you. I was 18 and this was a few months after 911 by the way, I go to the beach with a  friend of mine for rollerblading when I run into a bunch of dirty fucking mexicans that started calling me shit like terrorist yada yada. I mean, how fucked up things are when dirty mexicans start harassing you!!? Now, I am not a racist, and I don’t believe anyone suffers more from racism and discrimination in this country than I do. However, I am a human in case some of you haven’t realized, and there is a limit to how much shit I can take from this fucked up society that we live in.

Let me cut it short here and maybe start a new post or something cuz I have a lot to complain about and complaining and bitching is my number 1 skill.