Feelingdead's Blog

Holiday Season

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 29, 2009

The holiday season is here with its wonderful events and great memories. Family and friends gathering up, wearing customs, buying presents, getting together for thanksgiving…

Actually, I fucking hate the holiday season. I feel more fucked up and left out during the holiday season than any other time in the year. Last year’s holiday season was ok, I spent it with my family, but almost every other year I’ve had shitty holidays. I think this is going to be another shitty holiday for me unless if a christmas miracle happens and that kindda thing only happens to wonderful people who have accepted jesus christ as their personal savior.

Did I mention that I picked up a cold? I was out drinking with a friend this past weekend, and I guess somehow I picked up a cold. Some amazing stuff happened too (shitty stuff), but I’d rather not talk about ’em.

 yeah, so as if the cold, the headaches, and the runny nose wasn’t enough, I woke up last night with this muscle pain in my neck. I walked around a little bit and went back to bed after a little while. Then, while I was totally asleep, I woke up with this EXTREME pain in my left leg (muscle cramps). I’ve been dealing with these muscle cramps for years. I remember a few months back I had the same exact muscle cramp in the middle of the night, and I was like what the fuck just happened? Did I get bitten by something? a snake perhaps? and I was paralyzed for a few minutes. This time around I managed to get over it fairly quickly, but I can’t still walk normal and my leg feels like it had a “leg attack” and is totally sore.

The amazing thing about these physical pains is that I rather deal with the physical pain than the mental pain… I really do. Unfortunately, when I get sick, I become so fucked up that the mental pain kicks in at the same time and makes me totally miserable. As I’ve said before, mental pain caused by loneliness causes physical pain. Like Adamski, Seal, and ATB said it best… “It’s the loneliness, that’s the killer!”

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Another Monday

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 19, 2009

So… I’m starting to get better (not really). I guess when you hit rock bottom you think the world is ending for you, but right when you think things are bad, it gets even worse. In a way you lower the standards for yourself just to feel better. I tried being an asshole for a few days (still am to some extent), but it’s really hard to ignore people when they are talking to you (even bitches). Although, I can safely say no more nice guy. I can probably get prosecuted for violating the Good Samaritan Law.

What is Depression?

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 13, 2009

They say depression is caused by chemical imbalance in your brain. Well, they are fucking idiots because in my case at least, my depression is not the cause. Depression is the consequence of me being through as much shit as I have been. These goddamn doctors and psychologists need to seriously take their heads out of their asses and report the facts. Facts about life and today’s societies as the main reasons for depression. Stop blaming the hormones or chemicals!! Your body just reacts to what you are being put through; there’s nothing wrong with you if you have depression. Look around you and may see the source of the problem!!

People Don’t Deserve Second Chances

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 12, 2009

Guess what!!!? I just thought of another one of those stupid things people say (another myth). “People deserve second chances.” Some people don’t even get a first chance. Look at all the people that are born with disabilities or the kids that are born in Darfur or wherever. Did these people ever get a chance?? Fuck you if you think there is a God, and fuck you if you think God loves you!! If so many people are not given a first chance, what makes you think you are so especial to deserve a second chance??

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Sunday

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 11, 2009

My ear’s been much better in the past few days, and at least it doesn’t hurt anymore. I managed to go to the gym a few times this week, which was nice and very much needed. Other than that, I stayed at home for the most part and stayed away from Florida heat and its stupid rain/thunder storms. I did feel really depressed this week…much worse than usual.

Monday

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 5, 2009

What a miserable few days it’s been. The ear infection got so bad the other day that I had to see a doctor. When I got home, I was so cold that I was shaking like a rat. Went to bed and just wrapped a blanket around me for a few hours till I got better. I spent another weekend doing nothing for the most part (did some house cleaning though). Watched quite a few funny youtubes and still trying to recover from the ear infection.

Although, this week might be more colorful as I might start clubbing again and have some memorable stories that I might share with you. Time for lunch!!!

Ear Infection

Posted in Uncategorized by feelingdead on October 1, 2009

So, my good old ear infection is back, and I’ve become more miserable than ever. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t speak, I can’t go to the gym, my neck and shoulders hurt, and I can’t do anything. Every once in a while I hear some kind of noise, and then I wonder if the noise is coming from the inside of my ear or if it’s an actual noise from something else. Today I spent most of the day in bed trying to just lay down and relax hoping that this thing would just go away on its own, but now I’m more neurotic, sad, and depressed than ever.

Alright, I’m gonna go look for some dumb youtube video to cheer myself up.